Jesus Our Savior: The Purification Process

Looking back about four or five days ago I said to the Lord...

"Father, make me a saint. I don't want to suffer purgatory. Whatever I have to do, I want to suffer it here so that I can become a saint and go straight to Heaven when I die."

Within a day I started to feel a rumbling in my soul. I started to have an attitude about the many issues coming at me as of late. I was not liking how I was starting to feel and some of the words that were coming out of my mouth. I surprised myself. Immediately after such attitudes or words I would say, "I'm so sorry Lord!"

But I was having a very hard time shaking the "attitude". I felt myself getting irritated so easily. It was not a good feeling and sadness was griping me. I would start praying and asking for help from Mother Mary and Jesus.

"Purity comes from Heaven; we must ask for it from God. If we ask for it, we shall obtain it. We must take great care not to lose it. We must shut our heart against pride, against sensuality, and all the other passions, as one shuts the doors and windows that nobody may get in. What joy is it to the guardian angel to conduct a pure soul! My children, when a soul is pure, all Heaven looks upon it with love! Pure souls will form a circle round Our Lord. The more pure we have been on earth, the nearer we shall be

to Him in Heaven."

That was a Rhandom Rhema word I clicked onto this morning. At first I read it and put it off to the side.

Then, shortly after receiving that Rhema word, I came across this post by James Bailey on z3News. He wrote my exact situation! I was amazed how this is exactly what I've been going through especially the last few days! Here is an excerpt from his post...

"Sometimes we can surprise ourselves by the way we react or the things we say. I've been surprised a lot lately by my own attitude problems. Each day I've been fighting through it in my prayer time, pressing through until I know I have the victory, but then the next day I find myself right back at that same place again, so the whole process starts all over again. After a few days of that it got to the point of hurting my confidence before God, making me think I must be way off the mark. How can God accept such a mess?"

See James' entire post here... Purification Process Making God's People Weapons of War

I'm embarrassed to go into detail what issues or how something said arose up in me an emotion like I've never felt before. In one particular instance I felt so upset inside by what was said that I actually felt a rumbling in the depth of me from my gut come rising up and out like a volcano. It actually felt warm. I was shocked and stunned. I thought to myself, "Where did that come from?"

It makes me want to cry to think of it. I had no idea that this issue held me at such bondage. It boiled up and out of me. I immediately began praying. I thought that I was being horribly attacked by demons.

My husband and I began arguing about one of the situations and we both blew like a volcano. Shortly afterwards we made up, but I was so upset I was shaking inside.

Shortly afterwards I went to Sunday Mass and the readings and homily was about forgiveness. I asked for forgiveness and asked the Lord, "What is going on with me? What is happening? I didn't realize the angst in my soul about certain issues was that strong!" Then I heard in my spirit...

"I'm making you a saint."

Then... I remembered what I asked for four or five days ago. I heard in my head the words that I spoke that day. I had actually forgotten I spoke them. I realized that God was bringing it back to me. I asked to be a saint...

"Father, make me a saint. I don't want to suffer purgatory. Whatever I have to do, I want to suffer it here so that I can become a saint and go straight to Heaven when I die."

An excerpt from the Rhema word mentioned above...

"Purity comes from Heaven; we must ask for it from God. If we ask for it, we shall obtain it."

I asked and I'm not doing as well as I thought I was. The purification process is hard. I have to admit. I did not realize what I have hidden deep within me... the hurts the unforgiveness I have harbored. He's bringing it all to the surface! He's digging deep!

I am so sorry and will continue to struggle through. But, at least I now know, without a doubt, God is refining me. This excerpt from James' post grabbed me at my core...

"Like the sword, our refining process begins with the fiery furnace. Trials and afflictions force the ugly impurities to separate and rise to the surface so we can confess them and give them to God, which gives Him our permission to remove them from us, leaving only our pure devotion for Him."

As I typed this post, I'm actually shaking inside. It is no coincidence that I clicked on that exact Rhema word speaking of purity, purity of heart. It is no coincidence that shortly thereafter I came upon Mr. Bailey's post that was exactly what was going on with me. God brought it all around for me. Now I understand. I sense God allowed certain situations to arise so I myself could see how I'd react. It wasn't pretty.

We all want to think we are good people. But, speaking for myself here, I realize when God truly digs down deep there is some ugly there that needs some work. I, myself was not truly aware. Now, I have been made aware.

Forgive me Father. Though it's not easy, I'm not backing out. I will truly try harder to be that saint you want me to be. It's a humbling experience.

Thank You Father for loving me so much!